Could of been so beautiful…


I get a half hour for my lunch, i normally try to bring something munchy because we are in the  more industrial part of town ( plus fast food is pricy and quite frankly i don’t need the junk calories) . It has been a week of blerg and i just wanted to get away for a bit so i hopped in my car aaaaand train, hmm my food window is closing rapidly. The art work on the train however really was impressive, some of it might mean horrible  gang related things but it is still interesting what can be accomplished with spray paint ( don’t graffiti kids its wrong).  Ok so McDonald’s it is,  nuggets and unsweetened tea please( please unsweetened the other stuff is like tea flavored pop and it’s always a 50/50 chance i get what i ask for). When i pulled up to the window the guy says the nice lady in front of you paid for you awww, i looked back and see no one behind me i am feeling flustered , i check my mirrors still no one behind me… The guy is all you can pull forward now. I pull forward try to smile in such a way that the person in front of me can feel my gratitude and glance in my mirror oooohhh no someone behind me. I am now sandwiched between the person who random act of kindness me and the person who  i did not pass it on to AWKWARD. I went back to work inhaling  in the few  minutes i had left nuggets  that tasted mildly like guilt. I know i do things for people, i am highly opinionated but generally try to not be a crappy person. I know the random act of kindness should just be viewed as a happy gift, what is wrong with me that it felt like a weight that must be carried till i could pass it on? So this morning i was running early, i had a lovely breakfast of crapes prepared by my husband and i got to go in late so i got to eat with my kiddos and hubby yay. Anyway i hit town early and decided to splurge  on a Starbucks, i pulled into the parking lot and totally  realized now was my chance to pay it forward so i did. The feeling of doing good was tempered however by the fact i kinda accidentally cut the person behind me in line off in the parking lot. Hmmm  i can  nail random, my kindness could use some work i guess.

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